Review: Steel Panther - All You Can Eat
[Kobalt Label Services, 2014]
Rating: 6/10
By Juliana Scheiderer, Contributor
Key Tracks: “You're Beautiful When You Don't Talk,” “Party Like Tomorrow is the End of the World”
Imagine watching a Zach Galifinakis movie on repeat for 24 hours straight. This is a close approximation of the experience of listening to the lyrics of Steel Panther's All You Can Eat.
Steel Panther has made a name for itself by parodying the sex, drugs and rock 'n’ roll manifesto of ‘80s metal bands through sound-a-like anthems and dirty lyrics. Pure dumb humor and dirty jokes can be funny, but the substance-less nature of this formula gets old fast. While the music parodies the soaring guitar solos and overall sonic grandeur of ‘80s metal well, the lyrics leave a little to be desired.
Much like some '80s rock songs, however, the lack of substance is almost irrelevant because All You Can Eat is such a fun listen. The ability to still sound like a legitimate hair band while singing songs entitled “Gangbang at the Old Folks Home” is to be admired. And while it may be hard to take the lyrics of “Gloryhole” seriously, Steel Panther are seriously good musicians.
Listening to “The Burden of Being Wonderful,” for example, provides practically the same effect as listening to an inspirational TED talk. With lyrics such as, “How in a world that's so imperfect / Did I wind up with so much cool,” it's the perfect song to listen to upon becoming pissed at friends, classmates or one’s entire generation for being stupid.
In the same way, “You're Beautiful When You Don't Talk” is hilarious and relatable. Thank Steel Panther for creating a plethora of new pick-up lines. The lyrics, “You're beautiful, so beautiful and young / If only you had been born without a tongue,” practically guarantee a second date.
“Party Like Tomorrow is the End of the World” encourages listeners to live life as if today could be their final day. Don't worry, the band hasn't gone introspective, they're just poking fun at modern-day apocalypse-themed tunes, and it's actually a *really* fun ride. Lyrics such as, “the end of the world is coming / What are we gonna do? / The end of the world is coming / You should be coming too,” conveys the message in a way that only Steel Panther can.
Steel Panther shows what it’s made of on one of the last tracks on the album, “If I Were King.” The track lists various things that the lead singer would legalize if he were to become king, but really shines with one memorable lyric: “I'd execute One Direction.” Well played, Steel Panther. Well played.
